Days with the Dorans

 I was worried I was going to miss Holiday HUGS because of conferences but my wonderful friend switched the date to the first Thursday in December! It was wonderful. We were back in our old conference room and the ornaments were a bit different this year. Al missed because of dance but the boys came with me and (of course) Nana did too!  We do have our traditions. When it came time to say the babies' names and blow out the candles, I said "Andrew" and then to my surprise Zach took and candle and said, "E." It warmed my heart more than he'll ever know. I am so blessed to have all of my children!  They had these cute decorated trees to help raise money for charity. I put in a bid for this one but doubt that I'll get it. Thought it was cute though and perhaps something I could try and replicate... in my free time! (If I had any....).

I was so lucky to have my three beautiful boys and my amazing mama join me again for Holiday HUGS. Ali wanted to come but she had dance. This year it wasn't in its usual location but it was still at the hospital where I delivered all my babies and still attend monthly support group meetings.  I attend the meetings now mostly as a supportER than a supportED and it feels good to meet new parents- that may be the wrong word. I'm sad for the circumstances but glad I can be here for them and understand and help them on their new journey. It was mostly new(er) families this year at Holiday HUGS. Sean mostly ate and drank juice but we all made an ornament (minus my mom). I love that we have this tradition and Andrew still has more ornaments on the tree than anyone else. I sometimes look at Joe and try to imagine what it would be like... but then again I can't imagine my life any other way. Still, I am so thankful for the gifts of Andrew and E. I still think of them re...

 I am still very active in my support group, HUGS (Healing and Understanding Grief Support).  I love that a few times a year I get to do something for my children that no one sees.  This night was about Andrew and E and I love that their sibs (and Nana) came with me.  This year the ornament making was different and I really liked it!!  We made ornaments by stringing beads on pipe cleaners and they turned out really cool.  Most of us made snow-flake looking ornaments but Joe has always been unique in the way he sees things! In addition to making ornaments, the kids also enjoyed juice and cookies.  There weren't a lot of people~ I think that December nights get filled up so quickly and I was sad not to see some of my favorite people there but loved being there for new families. Ali came straight from dance (Jeff brought her to the hospital) and then I had to take her back for more dance.  Thankfully, my mom was able to stay with the b...

Every December, we go to the hospital to make ornaments for our babies (now they'd be "kids") who aren't with us.  It's hard to believe it's been 12 Christmases for Andrew~ But then again,  I think most of the ornaments on our tree have something to do with him so perhaps not that surprising.  I don't know why, but for whatever reason, I didn't want to paint an ornament this year.  Perhaps it was because my mind has been so much on my own Nana.  My mom, who usually comes, was still upstairs at the hospital visiting her.  She did come down after Nan was sleeping to see us but she didn't feel much like painting either (plus the kids were pretty much done by then anyway...). The kids had fun painting and we have some new wonderful ornaments on our tree.  It was also so great to see some of my beloved HUGS families- especially the rainbows (children born after loss) that just keep growing.  Rainbows are the best part of the HUGS group (a...

The second Thursday in December is always Holiday HUGS.  It's where we go to the hospital and paint ornaments for the babies we're missing. I've gone every year with the three Bigs and usually my mom.  I told Jeff to come one year as this is not usually a somber event like the walk to remember (I skip over an outdoor candle lighting) but of course the one year he came, there were some poems read inside that were tough...  He doesn't like to show his emotions in front of strangers.  He told me he wouldn't be coming again but guess what... he did!  My mom was at my niece's Christmas program and though Ali had dance, she chose to come to Holiday HUGS.  It really meant the world to me as I know how much she loves dance.  This is an annual thing we've done forever.  The only difference was that (as I mentioned) Jeff was there and we let Seany paint!!  I was a bit nervous since they were acrylic paints but then again, no one was dressed...

The second Thursday of December, you will ALWAYS find me at the hospital.  I don't often write about my lost babies on this blog, but that doesn't mean I don't think about them every day.  I am still very involved in the support group at our local hospital and attend meetings every month (more to be the supporter than the supported in recent times).  Still, we do some family functions too a few times a year.  I've written about the walk in October and every year we also go to Holiday HUGS to decorate ornaments for our babies (or in my case, my 9 and 4 year old~ WOW!). Jeff doesn't usually go to these functions, which is great because that means I don't have to bring Sean! Don't get me wrong, I love Sean but I think he still thinks he's two and has the occasional 'terrible' moment.  I go through this enough at church and in our mornings to school.  A break from that is nice.  So it was me and the three Bigs and soon, my mom too joined ...

What a busy December we have had! Last week we were busy EVERY-SINGLE-NIGHT and our weekend was just as busy. This week is much the same, but still I am determined to not get too behind in documenting the happenings. As every year, we go to the hospital on the second Thursday of the month to make ornaments for the babies. This year, I left Sean at home with Jeff and the three Bigs and I were off to the hospital. For a while, it sounded like my mom wasn't going to come, but in the end she showed up. I know those things aren't easy for her (public things that remind her of the Grandson she lost) but I do appreciate her coming (and taking these pictures... thanks mom!). The kids each picked out ornaments to paint and cookies to eat (not in that order), I put a bunch of paint colors on the table and we got to work. I chose plain round plaster bulbs (and so did Joe). The middles picked other plaster ornaments. I made a blue one for Andrew and a purple one for E and I didn...

The second Thursday in the month of December for the last seven years (I missed the first one I could have gone to), I have been at the hospital where all of my children were born- to remember Andrew- and now also E. This year we had a dilemma ... The Christmas Program at the Littles ' School was the same night! I felt sick about it- really torn- but when my mom said, "Well you're going to HUGS right?" I felt like this huge weight was off my shoulders. The truth was that I really didn't want to miss HUGS and let's face it... Z is a loose cannon! And who knows if he would even sing... And Sean- well he might have screamed through the whole thing and I would have spent it in the lobby... that is what I am telling myself anyway to feel better! (Wonderful director- if you are reading this please don't schedule this program on the second Thursday in December anymore! Love you!!!) The night was actually quite busy. I got home from work after picking up th...

Holiday HUGS this year was fun- Daddy & Zachy even made it- but we were late because we had to change a dirty diaper (and outfit... sigh). This is a wonderful time for us to make ornaments for our angels (Drew & E), and for our angels (Joe & Al) to make ornaments. It was great seeing so many friends. We missed a lot of you other HUGS families who weren't able to make it though- When's the next dinner, ladies?

The second Thursday in December you will find us at the hospital making ornaments for Andrew, Jonasen's twin who spends Christmas each year with the real angels. This year Jonasen, Ali Jane, Mommy and Nana got to paint ornaments to add to the trees. After the painting, there is a nice ceremony out in the memory garden for all of the babies who spend Christmas in heaven. We have yet to make it to that part of the memorial because mommy has always had little ones who need to get to bed- Joey's ornament took a lllooooong time to dry because he had A LOT of paint on it. Here is Ali Jane working on her ornament. Ali Jane loves to paint, stamp, color and do anything "Artsie" so this was right up her alley! When Joe and Al were done with their ornaments, they ate cookies that were as big as their heads (literally). Joe almost finished his. We had a lot of fun adding our special ornaments to the tree and remembering our big brother, who mommy still blows kisses to each and ev...