Days with the Dorans

 So it's kind of weird being the first Christmas without my Nana, even though she hasn't really been here for some time with her dementia. I've felt very melancholy and lonesome for her. When we were little, she and Grandpa Jonasen would come up on Christmas Eve and she'd always have Lefse with her! Lefse is Norwegian and soooo yummy but it's no small feat to make. Just like my mom's Krumkakke (which she also needs to teach us), it's very time consuming but worth it! Of course I documented the whole thing and took lots of pictures. I made one (that looked like the state of Michigan- I really should have taken pictures) but Ali made most of them herself with Nana's guidance.  Pictures below. Maddy and Steph joined us a little later and Maddy got to learn the family traditions. Of course, we had to document that as well! My hope is that this will be a yearly tradition and there will be many posts to come where we get togeth...

Ugh. I knew this would happen, prayed that it would happen and yet it still absolutely ripped my heart out. My Nana took a turn for the worse and hospice came in. She actually looked a bit better to me in that bed. I told her that I would be there to see her every day until she decided I didn't need to. On one of my visits, a caretaker said that out of the blue one day my Nan (who hadn't really spoken in some time) said, "Thank you so much for taking care of me," to which the care-taker replied, "Myrt, I didn't know you could talk!" It goes to show she was kind until the end. The other thing the care-taker told me was that my mom had the most beautiful voice (it's true). I love that she went and sang to her mom and I also love that we all had time with her. Danny wasn't sure he was going to go but then decided he wanted to but only with me. We went and cried and talked with her. We told her Grandpa was waiting. Steve was waiting. Andrew ...

We started out Mother's Day by going to church. We left our old church last fall because it just didn't feel like home anymore and we've struggled a bit with that until we finally really felt it was time to leave. We met with our Pastor (who I really do miss) and it was hard. While it was good being back for Mother's Day and seeing familiar faces, it reminded me that we are where we need to be at this time. After church, we headed over to Great-Nan's. Dad dropped Al and I off and we met Nana and Papa and went in to see her. She is not well. It breaks my heart to see her and I think about how cruel dementia is. She was sleeping when we arrived and when we were able to wake her she wasn't really there. My prayer is that when she sleeps she remembers. We let her sleep and held her hand. Papa thought we should try for our four generations picture but we agreed that if it was us, we wouldn't want our picture taken like that so we opted to take a picture ...

Well~ she made it to 99! So I had mentioned what an AWESOME time I had last time I visited my Nan. Her birthday was not the same experience. This post is proof that pictures can portray a total different reality. She was tired and sleepy. She knew that August 6th was her birthday but not much else. When I asked her if she knew what May 31st was (my mom AND her brother's birthdays) she looked at me and said, "It's your birthday." When I asked her about Christmas Eve (my birthday) she had nothing...   She was just so tired but you never know what you're going to get when you get there. I was sad because I was hoping to see her like I had the other day. Still~ I love that we got her to smile- to somewhat capture what this woman once was~ if only in a picture. I'm sad for my mom because I can only begin to imagine how hard it is for her and I pray that this awful disease (dementia) does not find anyone else I know. While this new reality has no doubt overs...

I don't think I've sugar coated it here but my Nana (Great Nan) hasn't been well. Well~ I guess physically she's OK, but dementia has been awful and painful. I used to go over to see her regularly- once a week if not more but lately going over there hurts me so much that I've been avoiding it.  My mom was out at a golfing trip and I needed to get something for my Nan. She told me to go ahead and just put it up in her apartment~ no need to stop and visit (she knows how hard it is. I know it's hard for her too).  As I went to drop off the things, I saw my Nan sleeping in a chair and hurried upstairs to drop off the  items she needed. On my way back though, I slowed. There was the woman that I (quite literally) open my window for each night and pray that in her dreams she remembers. That she's happy. I couldn't just go~ so I went in and sat next to her. I grabbed her hand and said hello and she said hello too. She looked at me and smiled an...

On Mother's Day I learned that Sean loves me because "You let me go on walks without pet Marty." He also filled out one of those questionnaires about me which was really cute.  After Ali's game (yes she had a game- away), we went home and walked over to Great Nan's. I'm not going to lie. Being around her is heartbreaking. We did get some smiles out of her but most of the time she lives now in a state of confusion. She no longer knows who we are and she can't see and hear so well either.  It was good to see her smile though! It's hard to believe that not long ago she was getting on the floor with the kids to play and now she's almost 99!! After our visit with her, we headed to the lake where my mom gave us some "Mommy Medicine" (love it) and the boys cooked for the women in their lives. It was a perfect day! Nana and all her kids! Steph and her kiddos! Me and my kiddos!