Days with the Dorans

Often I am asked how I keep my faith when I have lived through such tragedy as losing my son. "Where is your God?" people sometimes ask. I believe that throughout my life God has put amazing people into my life when I've needed them most. It was during the grief of Andrew's death that God sent me Lynn. Lynn and I met at a HUGS meeting five years ago. Over those five years we've shared births and deaths- laughter and tears. We met at a time in our lives when we were at the same place at the same time. We were able to find our ways together- to trust God and to discover that whatever we were feeling, be it the same or different, it was o.k., because feelings aren't right or wrong- they simply are. I was so sad when Lynn moved to Tennessee three years ago, but I should have known that distance would not impact our friendship. The women (and men) I have met during HUGS meetings have changed my life and I am convinced that God works in amazing ways. He never gives...

I had hoped that we could turn Zach into Charlie Brown for Halloween. Can you believe that no one carries little yellow shirts??? No one! (errrr) So we did the next best thing- a bumble bee. Zach doesn't actually go to Hearts & Hands, but he had fun and even met some new friends. Jonasen decided to be a pirate this year - remember that sweet cake I made -and Ali Jane chose to be a black cat (better than a princess which she seems to dress up as anyway on a daily basis.) Joe must have asked every few minutes if his mustache was still on- when Lynn pointed out that he could see his reflection in his sword, I think that made him happy. At the party they had games and a music lady, too. Both the kids had halloween pictures painted on their hands (since to put it on their face would have probably messed up their costume make-up). They even got some play dough (surprise) at one of the games! What a wonderful prize!

It has been a week! I have a dear friend (who I can't wait to see) coming in to town on Thursday to stay with us. I had a meeting at church for the Christmas program. Craziness at school. (Need I say more?) And on top of all that I made 100 bags of playdough- Yes, I said 100! The kids' school is having a Halloween festival on Saturday and so I offered to help make playdough. When I saw that no one else had really signed up to make the playdough- I decided to step up and make more... (I know first hand how hard teachers work and if I didn't do it, I knew that one of the teachers would.) After we made the playdough and put them into individual bags, (Yes the kids helped.) Ali Jane sorted the bags into colors and put them in the correct bags. I wasn't the meanest mom in the world. I made some for them to play with as well. The kids had fun (as they always do) and Joey actually made this cool spider! (Not bad if I do say so myself!) I think that this is Zach's first ...

When I first met Jeff, he already had a niece and a nephew. I remember playing with Mary when she was a little girl and having such fun with her and thinking, maybe someday I'll be her Auntie! Not only did I get to be JD & Mary's Auntie- but soon Abby was born and then Tyler, Cole and Evan. Having had amazing Aunts in my life, I have truly loved being an Auntie and wondered when my brother and sister-in-law would add new loves of my life! A few weeks ago, Dan & Steph came to my folks and I heard all sorts of laughter over the phone and when I asked my brother what was going on he said, "I'm going to be a Dad!" I couldn't believe it- my little brother was going to be a daddy. It's a little different because when I see my brother, I remember him as a little, thumb-sucking tag-a-long and here he is going to bring a new life into this world! The thing is, I know that he's going to be an amazing father and he couldn't have chosen a more wonderf...

Ali Jane is a princess who loves to climb trees and play ball. Last spring she was so excited to get these fantastic sparkley princess shoes and (as you can see) she wore them nearly every day. It's hard to tell from the picture, but the toes actually have holes in them that I can stick my finger right through. I couldn't bear to get rid of them though since they were so special to her. Today when I watched my little girl at church, I knew it was time to finally say goodbye to the pretty, pink shoes! Since we are coming up on fall, Ali Jane found some ruby slippers that will suit this new season just fine and match her bear, Ruby's shoes. (Maybe they'll last a little longer since tree climbing weather is just about finished.) So farewell pretty, pink slippers- thanks for the memories! (And yes- Al put those shoes on all by herself, wrong feet and everything!)

When I was younger, each Christmas, my mom would paint this super-cool Christmas Tree in our dining room. I used to watch her and I always thought that it was the most special thing in the world. Now that I've grown up, we have a front window- but we have two Christmas trees- one that I choose to decorate in all reds and golds in the front window, and the one that we decorate as a family in our family room. Since I don't paint a tree in the window- but love to paint- I decided last year that we would paint the front window for Halloween- but as you can see, I do more of the watching than the painting, but love every minute of it. It's gone full circle- watching the people I love most in life creating something magical for the holidays!

I always wonder how it happens. I turn the page of the calendar and it seems that it is already filled up. The first weekend in October we had a blast at our local Credit Union. They had a great event where the kids got to play on inflatable toys, see a fire truck, pick out pumpkins and Ali Jane even rode a pony and all for free! (of course I didn't have the camera on that day...) The next day we went to our favorite local park. They had a huge fair (which is where these photos were taken) and the kids had a blast! The best part is we could walk so Jeff and I loaded the kids into wagon and stroller and had an awesome family day! The kids were great and didn't mind waiting in the long lines to have fun! Poor Zachy was there too- but there wasn't much for him to do. (Hence I didn't put any pictures of him on this blog.) He basically watched the big kids play, drank his milk and took in the sights around him. I was so impressed that the kids went on the Ferris Wh...

Joey is in a Young 5's program right now and they have been learning about feelings. I was so impressed with his drawings. The first page said, "I feel happy when I play with my toys." The second page said, "I feel sad when I have a time out." (picture with me, Joe and even our "Time-Out Bench" complete with sad faces)- And then came the final page, "I feel angry when my mom says bad words." (His teacher put a little smiley face after that quote.) (GULP) I couldn't believe it! What is he talking about? We are soooo careful around the kids- they even call us out when they hear ANYONE use the word "stupid" because, "We don't say "stupid" in this family." I was a bit afraid to ask- in case he did overhear some of the words I let slip while working on our downstairs bath... but the curiosity was killing me. "Hey Joe, What bad words do I say that make you angry honey?" "TIME-OUT!"

Sundays are family days for us. We pick up Great-Nan after naps and usually head to the Drapal's for dinner. Fall is my favorite season and today was wonderful. The sun was out and the trees were changing. We had a wonderful time on the boat- probably the last ride of 2008. As I watched my Nan with my kids, I felt again how truly blessed we are to have each other- and that is the greatest gift there is!

God gave us a beautiful day for this year's "Walk to Remember" at Huron Valley Sinai Hospital. It was wonderful to see old and new friends at this very special gathering to remember our babies who were lost. In the picture that you see a dear friend made a special shirt for Joe. If you can't read the words it says, "My twin is an angel." (Thanks Krista!) He sported it proudly and to my suprise kept it fairly clean. This year we each had a balloon. This year Jonasen let off Andrew's, Ali Jane let off Brooke's (Lynn's little girl) and I let off a white one for Baby E. Though I was wearing sunglasses I know that Joe saw a tear drop down my cheek as I kissed Andrew's balloon before he sent it to the heavens. This made him a little sad- and for that I feel badly- but when I asked him later he told me that he was sad that Andrew's balloon had to go to heaven. I'm sad about that too.

Since the time Jonasen was very, very little he has had music in his soul- specifically beats. I remember him drumming with anything he could get his hands on... silverware... pretzelsticks... paint-brushes (messy). Joe's been through not one- but two drum sets- so he was a bit tentative to hit someone else's kit. One of my favorite things to do is to sing with the Praise band at our church. We had rehearsal on Saturday and the kids had to hang out with us because Jeff went to watch Michigan lose to Toledo :-). The kids actually had a blast- running around the gym with balls and then playing the drums- Little Zach went right up to Mike and he showed him all the different drums. After a little more coaxing- the big kids (a little more shy) got up there for a bit too (but as Joe whispered in true big kid fashion... "I think I'd rather sit on your lap mom.")