The second Thursday in the month of December for the last seven years (I missed the first one I could have gone to), I have been at the hospital where all of my children were born- to remember Andrew- and now also E. This year we had a
dilemma... The Christmas Program at the
Littles' School was the same night! I felt sick about it- really torn- but when my mom said, "Well you're going to HUGS right?" I felt like this huge weight was off my shoulders. The truth was that I really didn't want to miss HUGS and let's face it... Z is a loose cannon! And who knows if he would even sing... And Sean- well he might have screamed through the whole thing and I would have spent it in the lobby... that is what I am telling myself anyway to feel better! (Wonderful director- if you are reading this please don't schedule this program on the second Thursday in December anymore! Love you!!!)
The night was actually quite busy. I got home from work after picking up the
Littles, inhaled dinner, took Ali Jane to ballet and on the way back called Jeff to tell him to get the boys ready. When (after hearing the garage open) he came out with Sean in a coat ready to go, I shook my finger! "NOT THAT BOY" I mouthed to him- and when Jeff took him and set him in the recycling bin, I knew that it was not a fun night with Sean- which meant it REALLY wouldn't have been wise to take him with us. So I took the three and we were off to the hospital!
We met my mom there and got down to business. The kids got down to business that is... I of course was lingering, catching up with families I hadn't seen in a while- and those I see regularly. Three of the beautiful moms I know with recent losses are all pregnant again and to see them all painting their ornaments with their swollen bellies made my heart sing! This place really is a place of healing and growing. I looked at my own table and if you would have told me that eight years ago I would have my four children at home- I would have never believed you. Pregnancy for us moms is never easy- it's terrifying actually- but it is a small price to have what we (now) have.
All the kids did a great job! I was shocked that this year Z didn't just eat cookies- he worked his paintbrush! His ornament was pretty much all green, but he sure took his time with that brush. Ali Jane's turned out really nice too! She actually painted two ornaments- one for Andrew and one for E. And Joe... well he painted THREE ornaments for Andrew. He was determined which one he wanted and when he tried to paint little eyes with a big brush he got really angry because it smudged- he did that twice (with two separate ornaments) before listening to his artsy mom who suggested he do the eyes with a fine tip marker (on yet another of the same style ornament). He didn't want to trash his mistakes though- so Andrew has a string of three ornaments on one ribbon from Joe this year.
I took my time remembering and thinking of my sweet babes in a room where everyone knows their names- but may have forgotten the names of those sitting around me. I like that- not that they have forgotten Joe, Al and Z- but that they remember- they say their names- they know. There is a special bond you make with people who have gone through such a tragedy. Some of the best people I know, I met in a little room at that hospital- that I still go to the third Thursday of every month. Tonight as I write this, I'm thinking of them and all those names that I have etched in my heart- names of children who are dancing in the heavens with mine- celebrating the birth of their Lord and Savior- and THAT gives me peace.
The second Thursday in the month of December for the last seven years (I missed the first one I could have gone to), I have been at the hospital where all of my children were born- to remember Andrew- and now also E. This year we had a dilemma... The Christmas Program at the Littles' School was the same night! I felt sick about it- really torn- but when my mom said, "Well you're going to HUGS right?" I felt like this huge weight was off my shoulders. The truth was that I really didn't want to miss HUGS and let's face it... Z is a loose cannon! And who knows if he would even sing... And Sean- well he might have screamed through the whole thing and I would have spent it in the lobby... that is what I am telling myself anyway to feel better! (Wonderful director- if you are reading this please don't schedule this program on the second Thursday in December anymore! Love you!!!)
The night was actually quite busy. I got home from work after picking up the Littles, inhaled dinner, took Ali Jane to ballet and on the way back called Jeff to tell him to get the boys ready. When (after hearing the garage open) he came out with Sean in a coat ready to go, I shook my finger! "NOT THAT BOY" I mouthed to him- and when Jeff took him and set him in the recycling bin, I knew that it was not a fun night with Sean- which meant it REALLY wouldn't have been wise to take him with us. So I took the three and we were off to the hospital!
We met my mom there and got down to business. The kids got down to business that is... I of course was lingering, catching up with families I hadn't seen in a while- and those I see regularly. Three of the beautiful moms I know with recent losses are all pregnant again and to see them all painting their ornaments with their swollen bellies made my heart sing! This place really is a place of healing and growing. I looked at my own table and if you would have told me that eight years ago I would have my four children at home- I would have never believed you. Pregnancy for us moms is never easy- it's terrifying actually- but it is a small price to have what we (now) have.
All the kids did a great job! I was shocked that this year Z didn't just eat cookies- he worked his paintbrush! His ornament was pretty much all green, but he sure took his time with that brush. Ali Jane's turned out really nice too! She actually painted two ornaments- one for Andrew and one for E. And Joe... well he painted THREE ornaments for Andrew. He was determined which one he wanted and when he tried to paint little eyes with a big brush he got really angry because it smudged- he did that twice (with two separate ornaments) before listening to his artsy mom who suggested he do the eyes with a fine tip marker (on yet another of the same style ornament). He didn't want to trash his mistakes though- so Andrew has a string of three ornaments on one ribbon from Joe this year.
I took my time remembering and thinking of my sweet babes in a room where everyone knows their names- but may have forgotten the names of those sitting around me. I like that- not that they have forgotten Joe, Al and Z- but that they remember- they say their names- they know. There is a special bond you make with people who have gone through such a tragedy. Some of the best people I know, I met in a little room at that hospital- that I still go to the third Thursday of every month. Tonight as I write this, I'm thinking of them and all those names that I have etched in my heart- names of children who are dancing in the heavens with mine- celebrating the birth of their Lord and Savior- and THAT gives me peace.
Sounds like a wonderful gathering to remember those who left too early. Those children who are in your hearts and waiting for you in Heaven. My heart goes out to you and all the other parents/families. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteSo sad I missed it this year....next year for sure!!!
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