Days with the Dorans

A picture is worth a thousand words, so what does that make a video? We captured Zach's dinner routine- Poor A.J. thought we were going to start dinner without her... don't worry, we didn't!

This is not really a "Pause" blog- but it's not really about my kids either... It's about my friends. Today I came home from work (actually home from the hospital, where I had gone after work to get my blood drawn to check my levels after losing E.). On our counter was a HUGE basket of fresh, yummy fruit and a potted plant of roses! The problem with all of this is that we have NO IDEA who sent it! It was wrapped so nicely and on the outside it simply had our names and address and some numbers on it... We don't even know what company sent it- (hoping we could somehow find out who the mystery sender was...) So now we're in a pickle. I must thank this (these) thoughtful friend(s) and I can't! So I'm begging you that if it is you to speak up- please leave a comment (yes you can comment on these blogs- not just to me in person) or send me an email or something. We continue (even three weeks later) to get cards from friends who are so caring- who know that...

Sometimes when I just sit and think... think about my life and how the events in my life have shaped and made me who I am... it gives me pause. Two weeks ago Jeff and I were changed once again. I had no idea that a miscarriage would do that- I should change that- I had an idea- but not really. I've sat in HUGS meetings for five years now and my heart has ached when new moms (and some dads) have come in to share their story of loss. Even the miscarriage stories- for I know that once you see those two lines- it begins... the dreaming, the wondering. You suddenly look at your belly and think, "I have the most amazing secret and no one on this earth knows about it except for me, God and this amazing human that is growing inside of me. You don't start to bond once that 12 week safe zone is over (believe me- I tried that when I was pregnant with Ali Jane) you bond right there- when no one else knows yet... not even the amazing man that I love. Just me. Just God. Just baby. When...

It's hard to believe that it's been five years since we took Jonasen home from the hospital- we held him in our arms and saw our future- our hope. Still today he amazes us with his kindness towards others and we often wonder what we did so right that God let us keep him (not that God works that way of course). The weekend after his birthday we had family and Godparents over to celebrate this very special boy. Joey was so excited about his "Pirate Party." (Where he gets pirates from we'll never know... We had a beautiful day and so we took advantage of the beautiful weather and played and ate outside (Zach couldn't wait for me to get him a plate of food so just helped himself to Ali Jane's...) Joey's favorite part of the party... (Can you guess?) Was the presents... not the outside play... not all the kids that were there... not that Grandma came (those he was super excited about that...) He was so excited about those presents that he actually skipp...

One of the reasons I love my husband so much is that he is a great cook! It's a good thing- because I don't really cook... at all (other than cold spaghetti salad... if you call that cooking). I do however know how to bake some things and was so impressed with the cake that I made for Joe's birthday. Last weekend was horrible- (as you may have read from my Pause posts) and so Friday came out of nowhere and I realilzed... JOEY'S PARTY IS TOMORROW! Now- it is really only family and Godparents that come, but still- when I asked him what kind of cake he wanted he said, "A pirate one." (I was hoping for chocolate or vanilla...) So here we were- the day before the party and how was I going to order one of those on such short notice. In a panic- my mom emailed me some recipes and I tried one that looked like a treasure chest- it was such fun! Jeff actually had to practice guitar at church- so I packed up the kiddies and we went on a hunt for cool loot for Joey's...

Five years ago today God blessed me. He gave me two babies. One to take care of here on earth and one to live forever with Him. For five years I have thought of my precious son and thought often of that night and what could have been. But now my thoughts of Andrew have changed. I wonder what his favorite ice cream would be? Would he prefer chocolate milk like Joe? Or white milk like Al? I still sing to him and every night blow a kiss to heaven- More often with a smile on my face than tears in my eyes. The leaving of baby "E" changed that a bit. It brought back that pain and once again seeing my strong husband in tears brings me to my knees. And it continues to amaze me how I have been blessed with friends who care so much! Today we spent singing and loving Joey (and later) will go to Chuck E Cheese (sigh). But for the day, as I do every year I went and got my balloons to send to heaven. This year I got five blue for Andrew and one white for Baby E. It was hard to see them di...

The title of this blog is a quote from Joey which was followed by Ali Jane saying, "My mommy and daddy cried a lot today and so did I because our baby is in heaven." How she knew that... well, she's Ali Jane and much like her mother takes in the world around her more than others probably realize. The thing is she's right. A couple months ago we learned that I was pregnant again and we were over the moon! This was it- we would finally have our four children at home. Three weeks ago we saw the heartbeat for the first time and as with our other three children, it took our breath away- a living human being, their heart beating inside of me. What an amazing gift from God. I felt good, and wasn't throwing up this pregnancy- which was a staple in my other pregnancies. After I saw the heartbeat, I started to spot. Thankfully I have friends who had difficult pregnancies that produced beautiful healthy babies and so I leaned on them and their stories and held tight to that...

Are you missing it, my out of town friends???? Even in these messy pictures you have to remember the sweet taste of the best corn on earth!!!!!

Last week was the kids first day back to school. This year Joey is in the young 5's program (because of his September birthday and I'm a teacher and know better) and Al's in the 4's. It was so great dropping them off because all of Joe's little friends were already there and said, "It's Joey!" and I turned around and they were all hugging!!!! It was the cutest thing I've ever seen, but I couldn't turn my camera on fast enough! Ali Jane had a harder time watching me go (just as she did last year), but her fantastic teacher told me that she was fine a few minutes after I left. Unfortunately, her second day of school she was super sick so stayed home with a horrible cold! Each night, when we go to bed and the kids pick out what books they want to read, they "read" the book first. It is the best thing ever and I recommend it to everyone. To hear a preschooler "read" the pictures of a book is priceless and it is so wonderful ...

Their music makes my world go round... or my head really hurt. I like it better with Jeffy on the guitar and us singing along... too bad I didn't get a video, the music was loooovely!

After reading the book about Dora going to the dentist a gazilllion times, I thought Ali Jane would be great at the dentist. She talked about it weeks before we went and was excited to get the "toys" they would give her after she was such a good girl. The only problem... they started with X-rays- and those aren't very pleasant for such a little lady. Ali Jane SCREAMED!! It was very hard to watch though it only lasted a minute or two. By the time the poor thing was done she had little red dots around her eyes- my guess from the stress, but she did it and I was soooooooo proud of her! Then it came time for the polishing and that didn't go so well. After having only four of her teeth "tickled", she had had enough. I was soooooooo upset! Really- it was not one of my proudest moments as a mommy. I tried bribing her with things she wanted- toys- trips to fun parks- the lake- I tried guilting her with a sad face, where she'd say, "It's o.k. mommy....

I didn't have a sister growing up, but I had the next best thing. Jodi Osburn (now Jodi Williams) grew up in the house next to ours and is a year older than I am. She knew EVERYTHING! I remember her teaching me how to add multi-digit numbers, the "nines" multiplication trick with your fingers, and also showing me one day how to shave your legs... without soap or lotion... OUCH! She is the subject of MANY of my writing lessons when I model writing and it's hard to believe we are all grown up! Jodi and I delivered our babies two days apart and it was such fun being in the hospital together. Though she was due before I was, Zach arrived two days earlier than Cooper. We hadn't gotten together since their births, but I loved that I had someone to call with questions and shared stories... (You'd think I'd have it all figured out by Zachy....) We finally got all our kids together last week. Jodi has two older boys, Tyler and Conner, who are fifteen months apa...