Days with the Dorans

I think this was the first time every I went to the Walk to Remember by myself. It was great! I love having my kids (and of course my mom) with me but without the kids made it pretty easy. I was able to say hello to new and old friends and send off balloons for my babies. Thankfully I was able to squeeze this in between soccer games. This is a priority for me though. There are only two events that are 100% Andrew's (and E's) and this is one. We got the cutest little bird houses too. One for the Mother Tree and one we could take home. This was perfect as I love birds (I always watch the birds on the wire when I'm at stoplights).  I wanted to get a tattoo for my 40th with four birds on a branch in a tree with two flying away but the person I asked to draw it had a bit too much on her plate I think. I still want one... who knows, maybe 2017 will be my year!

 I have never missed a Walk to Remember (except for the first one that happened less than a month after my boys were born) and I didn't want to miss this one.  Of course Jeff and I were playing the divide and conquer game (which is how we spent most of our fall Saturdays).  He, Joe and Z were off to their games and I took Al and Seany to the walk with me before heading off to Joe's game (I missed Z's). I got our balloons and some for friends.  I didn't get a picture of E's tag because it slipped out of Ali's hands and boy was she upset about it... I told her it was fine, and it was. It doesn't matter how many years go by, I still think of them and wonder what would have been.  Seeing those balloons all fly to the heavens reminded me again how much they (and so many others) are missed.  Love you my sweet Andrew and E.

I love these ladies!! Moms and siblings to angels! Me and Jessica This weekend was one to remember... we had our annual Walk to Remember on Saturday at the hospital where we let off balloons for our babies.  I was solo (as mentioned earlier) and it was pouring rain so I didn't get any pictures. Even in the rain, the balloons made it to heaven... I didn't think they would but was so happy they did.  A balloon intended for heaven coming down to earth is not a pleasant sight for the grieving. On Sunday, Jessica (a fellow blogger, BLM and friend) and I brought together people in the community for a lantern release (hopefully the first of many). Me and Miller (and not a self portrait... very unlike us!) We had it at a near-by park overlooking a lake.  My mom came with me and when we arrived the sun was shining and it was beautiful!  I tied up gold star balloons so people would know where we were and we waited for people to arrive. When they did, the sky be...

My Jonasens.

On the second Saturday in October, I will always be at the same place... the hospital where my children were born- all of my children. And each year I remember those children that no one sees at the hospital's annual, "Walk to Remember." Each year we have refreshments, write the babies' names on balloons and walk to the hospital's memory garden. This year Joe wrote Andrew's name on his balloon, and Ali Jane wrote 'E' on her sister's balloon. Each family gets an ornament for the 'Mother Tree' in the garden. When the babies' names are read, a member of the family adds their ornament to the tree. This year, Joe was more interested and I showed him where I have been putting Andrew's (and now E's) ornaments. It seems each year he understands more about his brother's existence, and with that understanding naturally comes more questions. We work through it together and I am so thankful that at this point in time he sees Andrew as...

Since 2004, we've been going to the Walk to Remember at our local hospital to remember Andrew (and now Baby E). It is a wonderful event. I usually bring my mom and the kids. (The day has been a bit too emotional for Jeff which is completely fine...) It begins with refreshments then we walk to the memory garden where there are bricks with all of the babies' names. Poems are read and then the names of each precious life that was lost too soon. As this is happening, the families place a little memento on the 'Mother Tree' to remember their babies. As that is happening music is playing in the background and then we all send our balloons to the heavens. It has been very emotional in the past- watching them disappear amidst the fluffy white clouds... This year was dreary and rainy, and I was running late. My body was tired and so I said to my mom- "You know I will never miss this event, but I don't think it will be an emotional one this year- which will be good!...

God gave us a beautiful day for this year's "Walk to Remember" at Huron Valley Sinai Hospital. It was wonderful to see old and new friends at this very special gathering to remember our babies who were lost. In the picture that you see a dear friend made a special shirt for Joe. If you can't read the words it says, "My twin is an angel." (Thanks Krista!) He sported it proudly and to my suprise kept it fairly clean. This year we each had a balloon. This year Jonasen let off Andrew's, Ali Jane let off Brooke's (Lynn's little girl) and I let off a white one for Baby E. Though I was wearing sunglasses I know that Joe saw a tear drop down my cheek as I kissed Andrew's balloon before he sent it to the heavens. This made him a little sad- and for that I feel badly- but when I asked him later he told me that he was sad that Andrew's balloon had to go to heaven. I'm sad about that too.