Saying goodbye...

Ugh. I knew this would happen, prayed that it would happen and yet it still absolutely ripped my heart out. My Nana took a turn for the worse and hospice came in. She actually looked a bit better to me in that bed. I told her that I would be there to see her every day until she decided I didn't need to. On one of my visits, a caretaker said that out of the blue one day my Nan (who hadn't really spoken in some time) said, "Thank you so much for taking care of me," to which the care-taker replied, "Myrt, I didn't know you could talk!" It goes to show she was kind until the end. The other thing the care-taker told me was that my mom had the most beautiful voice (it's true). I love that she went and sang to her mom and I also love that we all had time with her.

Danny wasn't sure he was going to go but then decided he wanted to but only with me. We went and cried and talked with her. We told her Grandpa was waiting. Steve was waiting. Andrew was waiting. At nearly 101 years old, perhaps it was time. I'm so glad that Danny came and I think he was glad too.

My mom got the call early in the morning of March 18th that her mom had passed. She was able to go over there and see her and say a final goodbye which I was so happy about. When I heard, I felt sick. Like a finality of this amazing generation that we (Danny and I) were so blessed to know so well~ was now gone.  I cried and cried not for the woman of the last year or so but the one who had been such an important part of my life- for all of my life!

I went to school that day but kind of in a haze. I took off the following day to go to Toledo with my mom and make arrangements. The next day we started going through things. What amazing memories we will treasure!

A huge comfort in all of this is that of course she has had this amazing reunion with her son (I can imagine how amazing THAT would be) and of course the love of her life. I don't think I ever saw anyone love anyone like my Grandpa loved my Nana. He was romantic and kind and thoughtful beyond measure. My working Nana never put gas into her car (or got into a cold car- he'd warm it up for her), and I remember when we'd go for communion at church the "Queen" always went first!

Going back to make funeral arrangements, I recalled the last time I was here with my mom and Nana making arrangements for my Grandpa. It was just mom and I this time. We drove around town to places that held so many memories- their homes, their club and of course their church.

With Nana being gone so long from Toledo, and long out-living all of her friends, we chose not to have the funeral at their church but at the funeral home with JUST us. The pastor of their church did come though he had never met either of my grandparents. He did say there were congregants who who knew them and that they had nothing but kind words about them (that didn't surprise me one bit).

The next day, I ran with dad and then went over to help mom pack up Nan's room. It was so strange. We had downsized a bit with each of her moves but this one was different. She wasn't there.

Her perfume.

A fun letter from Danny about her "Sweet Potato Balls." I'll have to share that in another post.

She exercised forever- walking- stretching- golfing. No one every believed her age.

We found the large posters my mom had made with all our numbers, and messages to my Nana when she started to get "confused" and forget where she was. That was sad. And of course, we found all the frogs Danny and I had gotten her over the years. I remember when Jeff asked Nan, "So you like frogs?" She giggled and said, "Not really!" I think we got her a frog once and she was so thankful for our gift that we assumed she loved them and so it began!

Seeing that end date- felt feels weird. For so long we prayed for this. For her to let go- be at peace- but when it came, it felt like a gut punch just the same. I used to open my window at night when she was living down the street and whisper that I hoped she was dreaming- I hope she remembered in those dreams. But I'll never know.

Now I still open that window and whisper and it feels like she hears me. Her funeral was so nice. Mom got all the kids pictures of her with each of them when they were babies. What a treasure that my kids will always remember their Great-Nan. Not many can say that. We all cried thinking of her legacy- of her amazing life. The boys were all pallbearers which was also sweet.

She will be missed. I miss her. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh more than you know but I am beyond happy for her. We look forward to going to see the stone- Joey did say it was weird seeing his name on a tombstone but for me seeing my grandpa's name and knowing her name would soon be joining his brought such a flood of love.

After the cemetery, we went to Ann Arbor to eat. We had to wait for them to open for dinner so we sat in the parking lot, drank (we got Yuengling since we like it and it's only in Ohio) and remembered. It was a beautiful day and there was much to celebrate and be thankful for. Goodbye my sweet Nana! I love you more than you will ever know!