Ali Jane

Ali Jane was recently working on a writing assignment for school. She wrote about herself as a baby, at age one... etc. It was such fun to go back and look at those long-ago photos. This picture was taken a day or two after she was born. All of my children have an amazing birth story, and today I feel like sharing a little piece of Ali Jane's.

Like all of my pregnancies, we opted to be surprised and not know the gender of our "Sweet C" (aka, Ali Jane). But from the moment I learned of her pending arrival, I had a feeling that our baby would be a 'she'. I don't know why I felt that way. Perhaps because I took that first (of many) pregnancy tests on the day we buried my Great Auntie Irene. I loved her so and felt that it would seem right for God to send a woman into my life since one had recently left. Perhaps it was because I didn't want to have a boy, knowing that one day others may think that babe was Joe's twin brother. But whatever the reason, I dreamed (or secretly hoped) that we would see pink in our future.

After losing Andrew and having Jonasen also tightly wrapped in cord, it was decided that I would have another c-section. Because I was a week overdue with the boys, my doctor doubted that my body would go into labor on its own (Andrew was 6 pounds 11 ounces, and Joe was six pounds- separate sacs, separate placentas). She may have also guessed that the later I went in pregnancy, the more nervous I would get... And so at 37 weeks pregnant (the earliest you can go at my hospital), I went in for an amnio to check lung maturity so I could deliver our babe.

I don't know the reason now, but Jeff was unable to come and so my mom came with me to that appointment. Before the ultrasound tech began, I told her I did not want to know the gender and she had me look away while she was looking in "that" area so I wouldn't see. She was a very sweet woman and was getting these wonderful 3-D shots of our baby when she said, "Oh, I wish she would.... UM.... HOW OLD IS YOUR SON AT HOME?" I answered her question, but I had heard the pronoun as well as her quick 'change of subject' and my heart secretly leapt for joy. It was a girl. I looked at my mom, my best friend, and knew that one day, the little girl I was carrying would be just like my mom and me.

And so it was a girl.
Sweet Ali Jane.

She has been such a character now that she is in kindergarten. Today she and I went to the store so I could buy some 'treats' for my students. On the way home she was angry at me because I wouldn't dig out the new book I got for my class that she had read through the whole store and (at the time) happened to be buried under other things. She then reminded me (again) that I don't remember anything and that she "and Blake were the only two students in all of MaLanc's class that didn't go to the fair... How do you think that made me feel? Maybe I should just leave the family!"

I thought that I was going to lose it, and when that happens instead of yelling, I drop my voice and talk slowly and calmly. (Sometimes that drives the message home more than shouting.)

"Ali Jane, next year we will skip the birthday parties and the soccer games so that you can go to the fair. I am tired of you telling me of the things I don't do right. And if you want to leave this family, that is fine- but there are parents out there who don't read to their children every night- who don't hug and kiss them every day- who don't say "I love you more!" There are parents out there who don't bring their children to ballet and soccer. They don't teach them that Jesus loves them. There are parents out there who spank their children (had to tell her what that was) and do not tuck them in at night. When you tell me all the things that I messed up on and bring them up again even though you have forgiven me- like the fair- it hurts my feelings. So if you really want to leave this family, that is a choice you have. But know that in some families, you don't get choices."

Then I was quiet.
And so was she.
It was a long car ride home.

When I got out of the car, I silently dug out the book, handed it to her and headed in the house. She stayed behind. I went up to get Sean to nurse him and told Jeff he'd better get his daughter.

When I was feeding Sean, Ali Jane came in. It was clear she had been crying.

Through tears she began, "You know mom, in the car I was praying. I asked God to help me because I am so disappointed. I try to be good but sometimes I make such bad decisions. You are the best mom in the whole world. I asked God for you to forgive me and know that I love you and that you are my most favoritest mom in the whole wide world and I LOVE YOU MORE!"

(tug)
She ran into my arms and we held each other for quite a while after that. I am glad that she is staying in the family. I am glad that in about 20 years she will be my best friend. I am glad that though God took my Auntie in 2004, he gave me my sweet Alicia Jane.
Kindergartner, drama queen, one of the true loves of my life.