Covid...

 A video of how it was...

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So tired...

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It's getting to me... I don't know if it's the sleep deprivation or the crazy schedule of being a full time working mom and having four kids at home... but it's getting to me. I am so tired. Last night I was up at midnight with Sean, then at 2:30 with Joe who was sick and threw up, I got back to bed at 3 and slept for 15 minutes until Sean woke up again. I let him cry for 45 MINUTES until I could take it no more, staggered into his room and nursed him. And then I was up before six to start my day which looks something like this.. Wake up, shower, get ready for work prior to kids waking up... (praying that they don't wake up) then waking the bigs who can dress themselves, and getting Zach changed and dressed, then downstairs to make breakfast for three bigs while putting together pump parts to take to school (that were drying over-night), clean up from breakfast, meds for Zach which now include a breathing treatment (from last Tuesday's doc apt), shoes on a...
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Saying Goodbye...

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Well, we knew this day would come.  Prayed that it would be clear and it was. On Sunday night I laid with Cobi as I have (more so in recent weeks).  He asked to go outside at one point and he was out longer than usual.  I called for him to come inside and he didn't come. I had been cleaning the kitchen and I thought perhaps I had let him inside.  My brain isn't the best. I ran upstairs and to all his favorite places, but he was nowhere to be found.  I grabbed my shoes, wrapped my arms around me and went out to the cold calling for my baby, in a panic.  He came to me slowly from out in the darkness and when we got inside I sat with him, wrapped my arms around him and cried. As promised.  He had told me.  This was it. Somehow I went to school and made the call.  The last appointment of the day was at 5:20pm and since Joey wasn't getting home until 6:00, I took it as a consult and then also booked the first appointment for t...
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It's the Honest Scrap!

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So some of you know that I have two blogs. This blog- which has reflected on my day to day adventures with my living children, things I love and the occasional "Pause" blog where I remember my angels. My other blog (That I refer to as my 'Pause' blog) has been an entire blog about my angels-a therapy to me in a sense- how they've changed me, restored me and helped me. I have met a huge community of mothers who have lost children and have been nominated by two of them for this Honest Scrap award (for my 'Pause' blog) The idea is similar to the last 'award' I wrote about, my new friends stated in their blogs that: The award is about bloggers who post from their heart, who write from the depths of their soul. In order to accept the award I must nominate seven fellow bloggers as recipients, and then list ten honest and interesting things about myself. So- although I was nominated on 'Pause'- I'm writing on 'Days' because I have sh...
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