On the second Saturday in October, I will always be at the same place... the hospital where my children were born- all of my children. And each year I remember those children that no one sees at the hospital's annual, "Walk to Remember." Each year we have refreshments, write the babies' names on balloons and walk to the hospital's memory garden. This year Joe wrote Andrew's name on his balloon, and Ali Jane wrote 'E' on her sister's balloon.
Each family gets an ornament for the 'Mother Tree' in the garden. When the babies' names are read, a member of the family adds their ornament to the tree. This year, Joe was more interested and I showed him where I have been putting Andrew's (and now E's) ornaments. It seems each year he understands more about his brother's existence, and with that understanding naturally comes more questions. We work through it together and I am so thankful that at this point in time he sees Andrew as a blessing and is at peace with his story.
After the names are read, poems are read as we wait for the balloon release to the song "Somewhere out there". I don't know exactly when or what happened, but somehow Andrew's balloon slipped through Joe's fingers and sailed 'too soon' to the heavens. He was devastated and I just held him as he sobbed.
I wrote more about it on my Pause blog. We both sat there for quite a while and cried for the balloon (and the boy) who left too soon.
As the balloon became smaller and smaller, I managed to convince Joe turn around. We watched Andrew's balloon as it disappeared and we could no longer see it. It was then that Joe seemed to be
ok and he said, "You know mom, I think that Andrew probably just reached down through the clouds and scooped up his balloon." The image made me pause and imagine Andrew, watching this whole scene unfold before his eyes, not able to tell us, but watching still. I imagine those arms reaching down for the balloon. And E reaching for her balloon too. The balloon that Ali Jane held so tightly to, until it was finally time - to let go...
On the second Saturday in October, I will always be at the same place... the hospital where my children were born- all of my children. And each year I remember those children that no one sees at the hospital's annual, "Walk to Remember." Each year we have refreshments, write the babies' names on balloons and walk to the hospital's memory garden. This year Joe wrote Andrew's name on his balloon, and Ali Jane wrote 'E' on her sister's balloon. 
Each family gets an ornament for the 'Mother Tree' in the garden. When the babies' names are read, a member of the family adds their ornament to the tree. This year, Joe was more interested and I showed him where I have been putting Andrew's (and now E's) ornaments. It seems each year he understands more about his brother's existence, and with that understanding naturally comes more questions. We work through it together and I am so thankful that at this point in time he sees Andrew as a blessing and is at peace with his story.
After the names are read, poems are read as we wait for the balloon release to the song "Somewhere out there". I don't know exactly when or what happened, but somehow Andrew's balloon slipped through Joe's fingers and sailed 'too soon' to the heavens. He was devastated and I just held him as he sobbed. I wrote more about it on my Pause blog. We both sat there for quite a while and cried for the balloon (and the boy) who left too soon.
As the balloon became smaller and smaller, I managed to convince Joe turn around. We watched Andrew's balloon as it disappeared and we could no longer see it. It was then that Joe seemed to be ok and he said, "You know mom, I think that Andrew probably just reached down through the clouds and scooped up his balloon." The image made me pause and imagine Andrew, watching this whole scene unfold before his eyes, not able to tell us, but watching still. I imagine those arms reaching down for the balloon. And E reaching for her balloon too. The balloon that Ali Jane held so tightly to, until it was finally time - to let go...
I love seeing all the moms & families do these walks.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful place to be. I have tears in my eyes for the children you have lost and for the way Jonasen relates to his twin being gone.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that Andrew grabbed for his balloon!