It's the Honest Scrap!

So some of you know that I have two blogs. This blog- which has reflected on my day to day adventures with my living children, things I love and the occasional "Pause" blog where I remember my angels. My other blog (That I refer to as my 'Pause' blog) has been an entire blog about my angels-a therapy to me in a sense- how they've changed me, restored me and helped me. I have met a huge community of mothers who have lost children and have been nominated by two of them for this Honest Scrap award (for my 'Pause' blog) The idea is similar to the last 'award' I wrote about, my new friends stated in their blogs that:

The award is about bloggers who post from their heart, who write from the depths of their soul. In order to accept the award I must nominate seven fellow bloggers as recipients, and then list ten honest and interesting things about myself.

So- although I was nominated on 'Pause'- I'm writing on 'Days' because I have shyed away from writing about my living children and the blessings they've brought me in order to not hurt empty arm moms. I have been in that place where the last thing I want to see or hear is someone's blessings of children and such... I've put a link on my 'Pause' blog so that if people are interested on learning about me in this way- they may- but it's a choice.

So here goes...

10 Honest Things About Me:

1. My faith is the first and foremost important thing in my life. Though I don't talk about it with everyone that will listen to me, I think that I wear my faith on my sleeve and that people know that about me. I feel that my God has led me to see the amazing blessings in my life (which are too numerous to count) and has supported me more than anyone on this earth could. He's seen my every weakness and loves me- and my faith grew ten fold as He carried me through the loss of my son- heard my words- my curses- felt my pain and loves me still. God is so very, very good!

2. I am at peace. There is nothing like peace and being able to sleep soundly. I have been given peace but tend to slide back into worry. I can feel the slide beginning... both with the birth of this baby approaching soon- and sending my Joey to kindergarten. Jeff and I were just talking about it yesterday- I worry so much for Joe (more so than the others) and it would have been so much easier if his friend (his twin) were going with him. I can feel like this anniversary of losing Andrew may be worse than the previous... or the days leading up... prayers please...

3. I am a sucker for info-mercials- not that I buy things off of them- but I watch them, dream about them and then when they get to the stores I grab them. I'm in LOVE with my magic bullet (to make baby food and fruit smoothies), my shark mop and my cricut. I need to stop watching TV to save my money!!

4. Speaking of money- I'm good at it. We don't spend beyond our means and live very comfortably. I supported our family for six years while Jeff went back to school- taking out no loans-Our only debt being our mortgage... That being said- I also feel that I get paranoid about money- not having enough though I am certain we have more in savings than most... My grandpa was like this- and it was very illogical- We talked about it. I know that what I feel sometimes (the worry again) is illogical but if there's one thing I've learned in life- feelings aren't right or wrong- they just are and I wish I could control them... but I can't...

5. My children are best friends and I love that. We can take them places- they are well-behaved and polite. Right now they are downstairs playing trains together- and since that's not one of my favorite things to do- I'm doing this... (BAD MOM!) Jonasen is my tender heart. Zach is my sweetie who is always giving hugs and saying he loves me and Ali Jane... Well- she is the one that is going to kill me. She is sweet as pie- but stubborn as a mule all in the same sentence. I have been more frustrated about her than the boys. She is the most like me. Very very much like me... I feel badly for my husband the day she realizes this and I lose the 'control' I have over her...

6. I used to see things in black and white and now all I see is gray! My church friends would be surprised if they knew some of my opinions on things. I am more liberal for sure and I have met so many people who have changed my mind on issues over the years... I believe in helping your neighbor and I think I do a good job at that. When charities call, I give. (Please don't call though- you know how stressed I get about money now...) I am amazed with Ted Kennedy's life- with learning about it recently. I think we would have been good friends! :-)

7. I love to dance and sing and that hasn't changed. Right now I sing at our church's contemporary style of worship. Lately I have been playing the tambourine too and LOVE IT! That sounds silly- but while others play air guitar- I have always played 'air drums'- I come from a musical family- played piano for years- dabbled in some guitar- married an amazing musical guy- and have children who can hold a tune and have good rhythm- perhaps we'll take it on the road like the Von-traps one day! ;-)

8. I am addicted to facebook right now and knowing what my friends are doing in their everyday life...

9. I am married to an amazing man. I don't know what more to say about that- but I am blessed- we have an amazing marriage are on the same page with parenting and I am so happy that we are now both teachers as well. Again- we are blessed!!

10. I love to blog and write. (as if you didn't know) Everything I read, I must leave a comment and I wish that more people were like me... I am a sucker for feedback (the teacher in me?) and no one ever comments on this (Days) blog and I wish they would. My mom would tell me I'm nuts for letting this brutally honest (but not flattering) tid-bit about me loose- but oh well... I have thoughts about EVERYTHING- and when I'm not writing with pen, paper and a computer- I'm composing in my head which can get to be very very annoying! I could blog everyday but have decided to give the world a break...

This has been too long- if you've made it this far... congratulations! Must get down to the kiddies now... Thank you for reading- thank for my new blogger/baby loss mama friends for this cool award- (Heather at http://twoinheavenoneonearth.blogspot.com/ and Isla's mommy at http://toobeautifulforthisearth.blogspot.com/2009/08/sweet-sweet-smelloh-how-i-love-you.html#comments ) Check out their blogs- and leave a comment telling them how wonderful and strong they are! (Bloggers LOVE comments! tee hee hee)