Good Friday

My favorite church service all year has got to be the Good Friday service. I would consider myself always to be a "religious" person- in that I believed in God and went to church- read the bible. After Jeff and I got married, we became more involved and with devotions and such, I found myself drawing closer and closer to God. The experience where I felt God the most, was the day that I gave birth to my boys. It was also the day that I think, my faith was cemented. As those of you reading this know, Andrew left me before I had a chance to even say hello, or look into his eyes. When I arrived at the hospital that day, I had no idea that God already had my son. I knew the moment he was pulled from my body though- and I remember having a strange sense of peace- though my heart was permanately severed that day. It has been a long road of healing for me, but in thinking of Andrew and knowing he is ok with all of my soul, I can't help to think of the amazing sacrafice that God made. If there was anyway that I could have kept Andrew here I would have- and yet, to do it all again and no that he would die- I'd still chose to have him. Here God sent his son, not only to die, but to suffer- and to know the pain that I felt losing my son who I only knew in my dreams, and held in my arms for mere hours- I simply can't wrap my mind around it.
I used to think that when I got to heaven- the first thing that I would do- was run for Andrew- look into his eyes and ask him if he heard all the songs that I sang to him (even still) and got the kisses that I blew to him in heaven.
Now I know- that the first thing that I'll do when I get there- is fall to my Lord's feet- and thank him for the strength that he has given me- for the blessings that I never did deserve- and then I know- that he will pick me up and introduce me to my son- who helped me to understand the enormity of God's amazing love and peace. He sends us so many of these lessons- if only we choose to listen and to believe. I know I do.